Missing A Mentor

A year ago this month one of my mentors died unexpectedly at the age of 51 from an undiagnosed heart condition. His wife come home from work and found him in bed with his hand on the dogs head. He had been dead a while, but the dog had not moved.

I met the phone call the next morning at 7:30 AM with disbelief. Chris was in peak condition both physically and mentally. The idea of him not living to a ripe old age and dying peacefully in his sleep surrounded by friends and family still sends a shiver down my spine. He was committed to being the best person he could be, to sharing his joy for life with those around him, to squeezing as much living out of every one of his days.

I met Chris in the late 1980’s. He was an intense, focused, peaceful, driven, funny, loving, caring, centered, dear, kind, courteous, honorable, and loved man.

By day he was a school custodian, although that title hardly describes what he did at work. He brought more to the job than was required and in my mind he was one of the best teachers in that school if not the entire district. In the evenings he taught Tae Kwon Doe. The martial arts became part of his life when he was a young teen thanks to his mentor Frankie Williams. Over many decades Chris helped lots of children and adults learn to live the tenants of Tae Kwon Do: Courtesy, Integrity, Perseverance, Indomitable Spirit, and Self-Control.

He wasn’t perfect, but he was always trying to be better.

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Five years ago this month my wife Tasha and I opened our family child care program after burning out as directors of a center-based child care program. We had let our jobs consume us. Tasha new she was burning out and had wanted to make a change for a long time. I didn't have a clue what was happening to me—until one day I unexpectedly quit my job.

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Six years ago this month Chris started talking to me about yoga and meditation. He told me I seemed stressed and should give it a try sometime. He invited me to attend a class with him some Saturday when I had time. He told me it would help me “let go” of my stress, tension, and anxiety. I asked, “What stress, tension, and anxiety?”

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Chris not only saw that I needed change in my life, he offered me tools to help make that change. He didn't push me, or shove me, or guilt me into picking up those tools. He just put them out there for me and waited until I was ready to use them.

Six months later he told me he was going to start teaching yoga and invited me to class. I went to the first class he taught because he made it seem like the right thing to do. I went to the second class because it made me feel good. I’ve been doing yoga regularly since then because it makes me a better person.

I have no doubt that Chris new I was burning out long before it dawned on me and he was ready with support when I needed it. I attribute much of what is good in my life right now to the things he taught me. From him I learned to focus, let go, live in the moment, be mindful, and act with intention. I owe him a huge debt of gratitude I will never be able to fully repay.

But I try. I try to be a better husband and father. I try to live with joy and zest for life. I try to share my skills and talents with the world. I try to pay him back by being good at being me.

For this article to be of any value it has to be more than just me missing one of my mentors; it has to call you to action in some way. The best way I can do that is to make some suggestions:

• Life is short, live it well.

• If you have a mentor who has helped you change your life tell him or her thank you. Do it today.

• If you are a mentor—and if you work with children you are a mentor. Know that your efforts will ripple through time long after you are gone. You may not ever see the impact you have on the lives you touch, but you do have an impact.

• Know that it is possible to make positive changes in your life. It takes the right tools and a willingness to use them, but you can do it.

Granted, none of those things are very profound, they are simply things we tend to forget to think about while bogged down in the day-to-day business of our lives.

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The memorial service for Chris was packed full of people he had touched in a positive way during his 51 years. He was not a famous man living a fancy life, but the life he lived had a positive and lasting impact on a large number of people. He was not a crusader out to change the whole world, but he did change the lives he touched.

That is the kind of life to which we can all aspire.